Hypnosis for Anger Management

When somebody lands in my Melbourne office for anger management hypnotherapy, one of the first things I hear them say is how irrational their anger is. I interrupt here and point out that their fly-off-the-rails aggressive reactions are in fact entirely rational and understandable. That's one of the first things anybody suffering from reactive, angry tendencies needs to realise.

Anger issues are common. In a nutshell, an anger problem can be identified if you find you are aggressively reacting over something seemingly minimal. The same can be applied for any emotional overreaction. The reason? You have been triggered. And triggers happen due to our own unique past experiences, many of which occurred when we were too young to have the depth, wisdom and perspective to understand the situation clearly and take stock of our own personal responses to them. Sometimes, it is just one major dramatic event, more often however, smaller experiences over time build-up our own responses - such as watching unhappy parents fight all the time and being thrown in the middle of these conflicts as a young child. No 5-year-old or even 15-year-old has the level of mental development to handle this kind of situation well.

Over time and repeated experience, we grow up and become sensitive and emotional over related events: a trigger is created. Then, when we experience a similar event in adulthood that other's may handle adeptly, we dramatically explode and find our emotions taking over all rationale and logic.

Are you with me? Let me outline what is happening in neuroscience terms.

 

Your Amygdala

Your amygdala senses warnings and threats in your environment and sends out alarm bells. When you are in true danger, enter: the sabre-tooth-tiger, this is a brilliant system because it kicks off a physiological response to the threat before you even have time to logically think about it. So, before you can sit, analyse and assess the situation, your amygdala forces your body in to overdrive to get the hell outta there or fight to the bitter end. A potent mix of chemicals flood your brain and body that force you to react in that split second. Exactly what we need to survive. But here's the thing, we are evolutionarily wired to adapt to all sorts of environments. It mightn't be the sabre-tooth-tiger that roams your neck of the woods, but it could be the grizzly bear or a red-bellied black snake (*blimey*). Or now getting a little clever, there could be more subtle threats, threats to your own emotional wellbeing, that your brilliant mind learnt to register.

Anger Management Hypnosis Hypnotherapy Amygdala

So how does this system apply to anger? Your angry emotional reactions that overpower your logical mind in split-second environments are due to the specific events that you experienced in your past, that caused you to register these types of events as threats to your own environment. Following my drift?

Let's get creative about how your own unique upbringing might've shaped the 'threats' you sense. Did you experience an abusive parent? Or a school bully? Did you witness parental arguments? A violent sibling? Did family members suffer addiction or mental health issues? What in your childhood scared you? In what situations did you need to hide or stand up for your self? Whatever it was.. your amygdala learnt about this threat and sharpened itself accordingly to keep you safe.

 

But the way I react is no longer appropriate

Exactly. Whilst you might have been validly scared as a child when, say, your father flew-off-the-rails at your mother for a minor car incident, it isn't at all appropriate to react with huge emotion and aggression when you find your self in a minor car incident (or any for that matter) as an adult today. It doesn't serve any use or benefits. In fact, getting emotionally out-of-control in any situation tends to serve us more negatively than it ever can positively.

 

Rewiring Your Responses

RTT Hypnotherapy is in unique in that it explores your memory under hypnosis and uncovers the specific experiences in your past that lead to your presenting issue today. So if you emotionally overreact in relationships, or get unreasonably angry when you see people interact in certain ways, RTT enables you to take a self-check and get to the bottom of why that is. After re-surfacing past memories, I apply a range of psychodynamic techniques to start shaking up your subconscious mind.

Once we know exactly why it is you overreact, I can record your own personalised hypnosis mp3 to change your thinking patterns for good.

 

Anger Management is a Learnt Technique

The final aspect I'd like to add is that anger management is learnt. That's why babies, toddlers and little children get out-of-control angry over little things. As we grow up, we learn to deal with our emotions in more appropriate ways using our higher functioning (prefrontal cortex) rather than fall in to a reactive emotional mode.

For all anger management clients, an aspect of re-learning how to control emotions in trigger situations needs to be applied. Our brain needs to be toned and exercised just like any other part of our body. When anger is an issue, it's as if the amygdala has become overly sensitive whilst the prefrontal cortex has become overly relaxed in certain situations. Accordingly, I work anger management techniques in to my client's hypnosis to exercise and re-set the brain's own natural responses and give clients a relevant mental workout.

 

Want to Talk About This More? 

Great because I love to talk. Drop me a line to hello@forestt.com.au or call me +61 406 616 009

 

Want to Book A Session With Me?

Fill out a consultation form here or drop me a line

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4 Subconscious Habits To Let Go Of in 2021

What is holding you back? 4 Subconscious Habits To Let Go Of in 2021

If you keep self-sabotaging when it comes to reaching a goal, making a personal change or breaking a habit, then the best place to start is in acknowledging that your conscious and subconscious minds are not aligned with each other. You might find that you keep falling in to the trap of setting your mind upon doing something, but then find you are taking opposite action and feel completely out-of-control about it. Some common examples that indicate that this is happening for you include that you might have decided to get in better shape, but keep finding yourself bingeing on your problem foods and avoiding exercise, or you might want to be in a loving relationship but you keep dating the type of people that will never be emotionally available or committed to you.  What is happening is this: whatever you believe you consciously want, your subconscious has another idea about it and it is causing you to automatically act against your conscious desires.

Below, I unveil four common traps of the subconscious mind that are preventing you from attaining your goal and include an action task for each habit to help you shed light on your own subconscious programming and break the habit. You will need a workbook or journal to write in and a pen.

 

  1. Negative attachments to things you believe you want

The subconscious mind always takes you towards that which it believes you want and away from that which it believes you don’t want. If you consciously want something but find you keep acting against this desire, it’s time to consider your subconscious attachments and where they came from. A common example is weight loss or financial issues: everyone wants a great healthy body and financial freedom but it’s not unusual to find yourself acting or behaving in ways that go directly against this, even when you set the goal.  Past experiences that created ‘negative’ associations with that which you desire point towards what your negative attachments are. For example, the idea of being slim today might be painful to you if you suffered anorexia or extreme dieting as a teenager, accumulating wealth might be associated with fears you have been holding surrounding sacrificing important relationships, time with your family, suffering stress or loss of health as a result (perhaps you witnessed a parent do this or heard people make this claim about becoming rich).

Action - Workbook Task:

When you think about accomplishing or obtaining something you consciously desire but have struggled with, what negative thoughts, words, visions or self perceptions arise? Allow your self to be fluid and write down everything that comes to you without judgement or hesitation.

 

2. The habit of freezing when faced with a task or decision you are subconsciously averse to (but may not have even realised)

When faced with adverse situations or traumatic events as children, the innate, automatic freeze response (rather than the fight or flight response) gets triggered as a means to navigate and survive the real or perceived threat. This is a completely biological and unconscious response which makes the child shut down and dissociate. Activated frequently enough in childhood, freeze can become a habitual way of responding to events and navigating life in adulthood. If you underwent major or frequent trauma or suffered negative parenting as a child, check that your ‘freeze’ response isn’t stopping you from accomplishing your goals. Perhaps when you have to achieve a goal, you find that you procrastinate, dissociate or shut down. The good news is that if you can recognise that this is what is happening to you, you can break the pattern. In fact people who experience a mild amount of childhood adversity versus an extreme amount or none, are more likely to respond to circumstances and overcome them with a winning attitude. The key? Understand your subconscious programming and then reframe the way you perceive your physiological responses.

Action - Workbook Task:

In what situations, or faced with what goals or choices, do you ‘freeze’ today? How does it physically and emotionally feel when you think about doing it? 

What painful events did you experience in childhood where you might have ‘shut down’ in this way or experienced similar feelings? How might this present habit connect with your past? Define your physiological responses to situations where you might freeze or back away from.

You might have to think creatively to draw the correlation between past and present. Think on paper, write it down. Once you better understand the beast you are dealing with, challenge yourself to start taking small actions where you must face those specific environments. Encourage your self with affirmations.

 

3. Staying within your comfort zone and activating the failure mechanism without realising it

If you struggle to achieve your New Years goals or have even given up on setting them then consider this: your failure mechanism has become part of your subconscious habit of being. The failure mechanism is your default and undisciplined easy path. If you do what you have always done, you cannot accomplish that which you have not yet achieved. Success by nature requires drive, persistence and the discipline to pay the price to get it. If what you spend a lot of your time doing that which feels comfortable and familiar to you, then you can be sure that you aren’t ‘putting yourself out there’ in a way that is expanding your horizons. Your success lies in a zone that is innately uncomfortable and unfamiliar to you. If it is easier and more likely that you engage with comfortable activities such as turning on your favourite Netflix or TV show, heading to the shops, flicking through social media, staying within the same job role or meeting friends for a drink then be aware, what could you be doing with your life instead? Activating the success mechanism is like a muscle, the more you do it, the more it becomes habitual until ultimately it is a habit.

Action - Workbook Task:

What are your ‘comfort’ and go-to activities? Define these, write it down.

What do you truly want to achieve in 2021? Beyond your ‘comfort zone’ activities, what are the fears, the obstacles, the uncomfortable bits of this goal that might be stopping you from obtaining it? Plan how you will overcome each of these negatives and resolve to replace many of your comfort zone activities

 

4. Attracting toxic situations because that’s what you got used to growing up

This is relevant when it comes to relationships and the key people in your life, particularly if this is an area where you struggle. I see this a lot in my practice and it comes down to the simple subconscious principle that we tend to be creatures of habit. If you were hurt or let down in your childhood by significant people in your life, without realising it the same might be carrying out in your adult life due to this principle. Gravitating towards relationships that are familiar to you, even if that means choosing toxicity in your life, is the easier, well-ridden path to take. For many clients it can be mind blowing to realise that they have been subconsciously seeking out whatever negative dynamics were at play within their own family and influential relationships whilst growing up. It is so important to do the inner work and challenge your own childhood ‘status quo’ if you have found that the types of people you are initially attracted to, want to be with in a relationship, friendship or even a working environment turn out to be problematic, difficult or outright toxic. If you have ever been in an abusive relationship or are currently undergoing a relationship filled with drama and confusion, or find your self with toxic friendships, take a look at your past. Recognising these patterns and moving forward from relationships that do not honour your needs and respect your boundaries is one of the most wonderful steps you can take to vastly improve your life.

Action - Workbook Task:

Who in your upbringing let you down? In what way?

Note: Don’t try to rationalise that person’s actions or behaviour from an adult perspective ie. “mum was stressed managing 3 children by herself.” Think from the perspective of being the child you once were, honour that child’s feelings.

As a child, how did those hurtful actions make you feel? What messages did you conclude about your self, your worthiness, your ‘enough-ness’ based on those experiences?

In what way does this relate to your present issues in relationships? How are you choosing to honour the people who hurt you in your childhood and now over your rights to be in a secure, safe, loving and connected environment?

Now that you understand this pattern, what deliberate actions will you take to step outside of your relationship comfort zone? Write it down.

Issues with these subconscious principles come up repeatedly with my clients in my practice. I hope that these techniques help you to shed light on your inner workings and break hidden patterns that have been holding you back in the past. If you are struggling to uncover or fully understand how your past is stopping you, you can always book in for an intensive RTT hypnotherapy to cause a profound shift.


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Break the Domestic Abuse Cycle

This International Women's Day, I am setting my intentions on manifesting greater equality within relationships by encouraging women to choose peace and love over abusive partners.

One in four women have experienced emotional abuse, physical or sexual violence by a current or previous partner in Australia alone. That is an outstandingly high number. It isn't just those who are socially and economically disadvantaged that land in these circumstances, though rates are higher everywhere in the world when poverty comes in to the picture. I know women of all types - strong, sensitive, intelligent, successful, artistic, emotionally and mentally intact - who have been stuck in a relationship that is far from acceptable. I have had countless friends and clients land at my door believing there is something seriously wrong with them only to uncover that they are in an emotionally abusive relationship. This is always a powerful realisation because from here, effective help is possible.

It can be tricky and confusing leaving a toxic relationship. One of the most effective therapeutic tools in creating a positive shift to help a client move forward is RTT (Rapid Transformational Therapy). To break down the process, I have created a holy trinity to leaving a toxic relationship that outlines the vital steps for anybody committing to getting out for good.

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1. You must recognise and accept that you are in a domestic violence relationship.

Domestic violence doesn't just mean physical abuse, in fact it is often a lot easier to admit your situation if physical abuse has come in to the picture. Domestic violence also means emotional abuse, manipulation, control, sexual and financial abuse. These issues can be subtle and difficult to acknowledge and accept. If you are a kind person you may be unaware that there are people who actively and consciously employ manipulation tactics because it is so far removed from who you are. This also makes you perfect bait for abusers. I have found that many clients and friends come to me thinking there is something seriously wrong with themselves when in fact they are going crazy within an abusive relationship, being made to self-doubt through constantly being gas-lighted and deflected by their partners. One of the hallmarks of domestic abuse is a continuos cycle of peace and calm followed by cruelty and drama. This is why it is so difficult and confusing for those suffering. Through submission to their less-than-truly-kind partner and even worship, peace within the relationship is achievable. Should they validly question any actions or behaviour, they are met with one-track anger and hatred. At times they may believe their relationship is going well but there is usually a turmultuous undercurrent. I always tell people suffering to be incredibly conscious of what their partner is blaming or accusing them of because this is usually what their partner is in fact doing, scheming or planning to do. I personally believe that abusive people are very mentally ill. However that is absolutely no reason for any person to allow themselves to be treated poorly by them. We all need clear boundaries.

 

2. You must use introspection to realise your own patterns of behaviour and thinking that led you to accept being treated as a lesser citizen within the relationship. This is where regression under hypnosis becomes an extremely powerful tool.

It may have been abuse at home growing up. Maybe obvious abuse or subtle, small examples of being put down that was reoccurring. You may have been conditioned as a woman to accept maltreatment, be it through religion, media or social norms. Hey, this would be incredibly understandable, since according to the World Economic Forum's 2017 Global Gender Gap Report we are still 200 years away from gender parity. Perhaps through this statistic alone it is easy to see why domestic violence is still so rife. Through some experience or another your personal boundaries were whittled down. You may also be an empath or have a 'carer' personality - a trait so many women are encouraged and appraised from a young age to have - viewing the abuser as somebody so far askew they need your help. Uncovering your own mental conditioning is an exceptionally powerful tool towards moving forward from toxic relationships.

 

3. You must re-program your self to recognise abusive people from the outset and be incredibly adverse to their charms and any notion of 'love' that you may have once developed with a toxic partner. This is where I create your own hypnosis mp3 tailored to your needs. Clients listen every day for 21 days to make lasting changes to their thinking processes.

The more knowledge you have surrounding abuse, the better. Research narcissism. Read the characterising traits and patterns through quora and online abuse support groups. Know what sociopathy is. Narcissists are grandiose in their charm, sociopaths are playing a longer game with you and prefer to appear like 'any other normal guy in society'. It can be hard to pick but trust your instincts. Does their presence seem somewhat vacuous at times? If you are looking to leave a toxic relationship that is long-standing, this is where you need to gage support and be ready to outsmart the other player. Beyond equipping your self with knowledge, hypnotherapy can free you from any notions of love you may be clinging. Forcing your mind to remember the truth and the unkind actions of toxic partners and eradicating the 'soul mate' memories that tend to come on so fast and strong in the beginning is an important part of moving forward. It is otherwise easy to be blind-sided and reeled back in during a 'peace and calm' phase.

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Because domestic abuse is so rife, I want to help women on a wider scale than just my one-on-one appointments so this year I am excited to be developing an online course to help participants free themselves from the grasp of a toxic relationship. This makes taking steps to freedom can be available for anybody, at any time. Alongside women, members of the LBQT community are also at high risk of abuse and whilst far less common for men, my heart goes out to anybody trapped within a toxic relationship.

If you are looking for support to leave a relationship that it doing more harm than good, shoot me a message or sign up to get notified when my course comes out.

 

Warmest, xx Forest

 

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Domestic Violence Statistics

http://www.domesticviolence.com.au/pages/domestic-violence-statistics.php

Global Gender Gap - World Economic Forum

https://www.wherewomenwork.com/Career/640/Global-Gender-Gap-WorldEconomicForum


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