This International Women's Day, I am setting my intentions on manifesting greater equality within relationships by encouraging women to choose peace and love over abusive partners.
One in four women have experienced emotional abuse, physical or sexual violence by a current or previous partner in Australia alone. That is an outstandingly high number. It isn't just those who are socially and economically disadvantaged that land in these circumstances, though rates are higher everywhere in the world when poverty comes in to the picture. I know women of all types - strong, sensitive, intelligent, successful, artistic, emotionally and mentally intact - who have been stuck in a relationship that is far from acceptable. I have had countless friends and clients land at my door believing there is something seriously wrong with them only to uncover that they are in an emotionally abusive relationship. This is always a powerful realisation because from here, effective help is possible.
It can be tricky and confusing leaving a toxic relationship. One of the most effective therapeutic tools in creating a positive shift to help a client move forward is RTT (Rapid Transformational Therapy). To break down the process, I have created a holy trinity to leaving a toxic relationship that outlines the vital steps for anybody committing to getting out for good.
1. You must recognise and accept that you are in a domestic violence relationship.
Domestic violence doesn't just mean physical abuse, in fact it is often a lot easier to admit your situation if physical abuse has come in to the picture. Domestic violence also means emotional abuse, manipulation, control, sexual and financial abuse. These issues can be subtle and difficult to acknowledge and accept. If you are a kind person you may be unaware that there are people who actively and consciously employ manipulation tactics because it is so far removed from who you are. This also makes you perfect bait for abusers. I have found that many clients and friends come to me thinking there is something seriously wrong with themselves when in fact they are going crazy within an abusive relationship, being made to self-doubt through constantly being gas-lighted and deflected by their partners. One of the hallmarks of domestic abuse is a continuos cycle of peace and calm followed by cruelty and drama. This is why it is so difficult and confusing for those suffering. Through submission to their less-than-truly-kind partner and even worship, peace within the relationship is achievable. Should they validly question any actions or behaviour, they are met with one-track anger and hatred. At times they may believe their relationship is going well but there is usually a turmultuous undercurrent. I always tell people suffering to be incredibly conscious of what their partner is blaming or accusing them of because this is usually what their partner is in fact doing, scheming or planning to do. I personally believe that abusive people are very mentally ill. However that is absolutely no reason for any person to allow themselves to be treated poorly by them. We all need clear boundaries.
2. You must use introspection to realise your own patterns of behaviour and thinking that led you to accept being treated as a lesser citizen within the relationship. This is where regression under hypnosis becomes an extremely powerful tool.
It may have been abuse at home growing up. Maybe obvious abuse or subtle, small examples of being put down that was reoccurring. You may have been conditioned as a woman to accept maltreatment, be it through religion, media or social norms. Hey, this would be incredibly understandable, since according to the World Economic Forum's 2017 Global Gender Gap Report we are still 200 years away from gender parity. Perhaps through this statistic alone it is easy to see why domestic violence is still so rife. Through some experience or another your personal boundaries were whittled down. You may also be an empath or have a 'carer' personality - a trait so many women are encouraged and appraised from a young age to have - viewing the abuser as somebody so far askew they need your help. Uncovering your own mental conditioning is an exceptionally powerful tool towards moving forward from toxic relationships.
3. You must re-program your self to recognise abusive people from the outset and be incredibly adverse to their charms and any notion of 'love' that you may have once developed with a toxic partner. This is where I create your own hypnosis mp3 tailored to your needs. Clients listen every day for 21 days to make lasting changes to their thinking processes.
The more knowledge you have surrounding abuse, the better. Research narcissism. Read the characterising traits and patterns through quora and online abuse support groups. Know what sociopathy is. Narcissists are grandiose in their charm, sociopaths are playing a longer game with you and prefer to appear like 'any other normal guy in society'. It can be hard to pick but trust your instincts. Does their presence seem somewhat vacuous at times? If you are looking to leave a toxic relationship that is long-standing, this is where you need to gage support and be ready to outsmart the other player. Beyond equipping your self with knowledge, hypnotherapy can free you from any notions of love you may be clinging. Forcing your mind to remember the truth and the unkind actions of toxic partners and eradicating the 'soul mate' memories that tend to come on so fast and strong in the beginning is an important part of moving forward. It is otherwise easy to be blind-sided and reeled back in during a 'peace and calm' phase.
Because domestic abuse is so rife, I want to help women on a wider scale than just my one-on-one appointments so this year I am excited to be developing an online course to help participants free themselves from the grasp of a toxic relationship. This makes taking steps to freedom can be available for anybody, at any time. Alongside women, members of the LBQT community are also at high risk of abuse and whilst far less common for men, my heart goes out to anybody trapped within a toxic relationship.
If you are looking for support to leave a relationship that it doing more harm than good, shoot me a message or sign up to get notified when my course comes out.
Warmest, xx Forest
Domestic Violence Statistics
Global Gender Gap - World Economic Forum